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| Attraction
- (Part 3)
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excerpts from the book
‘Falling In Love Over The
Internet’
by Ernie Rohrbacher MASC (NLP)
Attraction seems to occur on different levels, like love, and for different reasons. Darlene and I can talk for hours at a time. We laugh, joke around, and talk seriously. We share and exchange ideas, and thoughts, sometimes at the rate that not even the speed of light can surpass, and yet, we are not interested in each other romantically. And similarly,
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we can and have been as intimate as any couple …. mentally and spiritually, just not physically. We say to each other I love you and know precisely what we mean and
with eHarmany,
where we stand with each other.
I sense the main difference, is that we put up barriers as to how far we are willing to go with another person, with our emotions, and therefore our physical actions. When we lower the barriers to ourselves and others, what is left is openness and love and as is well known ….
'in my own defencelessness does my safety lie'
There is as well the question of strategies for love and attraction ( see
chapter 4 ), and maybe the concept of synergy needs to be considered.
The next question that makes sense to ask is, why do we fall in love with someone in the first place? And the answer according to Dr Ellen Kreidman in her courses, Light His Fire/Light Her Fire is ….
'we fall in love with someone because of the way we feel about ourselves
when we
are with this person'
When we feel special, adored, admired, cherished, appreciated, and the like, we tend to fall in love with another person. And this is so easily achieved over the Internet. With the Internet, we bypass the initial pre-judgments of looks and ulterior motives, and what I feel occurs is that we fall in love with the person for who and what they truly are …. at the deepest of levels, which are giving and loving souls. It is simple to edify someone on the Internet and reframe a person's experience ( see chapter 7 ) to allow them to feel good about themselves. And this usually starts with one partner having a positive attitude. We all love to hang around positive people because we feel good about ourselves. When we love someone for who and what they are, they and we expand to become more. This definitely happened for Deb and me, and more so between Alla and I. For women, male approval is so important, and is so easily given over the Internet.
Now that we understand why we fall in love, let's look at what firstly a woman looks for in a man. A woman looks for someone who is strong, yet tender, and a balance between the two. Some of these attributes are presented in Table 1 below.
TABLE 1 (summarized version from Light His/Her Fire)
A woman also, apart from the above character traits wants other things from a man, and are listed below in Table 2.
TABLE 2 (summarized version from Light His/Her Fire)
What a woman wants from a man
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To be number 1 in your life |
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To be on the top of your list of priorities |
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Wants herself to mean more to you than your friends etc. |
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Wants to feel connected |
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Wants her needs to be met before other peoples |
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Wants your love validated |
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Wants to be admired |
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Wants to feel proud to be your mate |
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Wants us to prove our love, either verbally or tangibly |
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Wants to be complimented …. Daily |
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Wants to be shown interest in her |
Ernie Rohrbacher MASC (NLP)
Falling In Love Over The
Internet
Click here
to read Part 4
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